I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Randomize
