You smell like a Billy Joel song
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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