Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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