im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
