Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
