Hey man sorry I got all grabby
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
