My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
