There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
