I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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