also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
