How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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