what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I still have a little drunk in my system
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
