You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
