I am in a vortex of obligation.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
