it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
