remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
