and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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