I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
