Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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