Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
