she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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