and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
