Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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