OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
