i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
