I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
