i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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