My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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