I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize