ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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