Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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