we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
