smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
