"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
