p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
