Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
