I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
