he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
