Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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