I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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