called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Randomize
