dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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