The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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