the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
