"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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