I accidentally had phone sex last night
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
