I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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