every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
