Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize