he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
