If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize