He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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