I think i sorta joined a cult last night
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize