I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My vagina is officially offended.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
