Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
