My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
