Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
