she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
even my farts smell like vagina
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
