I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
