Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
