We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
