I just cut my nipple shaving
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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