So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
