Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
