I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
