I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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