I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
