Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize