you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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