Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
