just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
