Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Randomize
