Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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