i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
