Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
