He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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