I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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