i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i think i have two assholes
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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