I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
