he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
