If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
