I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
