cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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