So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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