I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
