its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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