i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
